Schlagwörter
aesthetic attraction, asexuality, Ästhetische Anziehung, Femme!
This month’s blog carnival topic is „change“, and at first this was so vast a field that I had no idea what to write.
Then Siggy made some enlightening observations about aesthetic attraction, which made me consider how that has changed for me since I started identifying as ace in early 2011.
The short version is: I now ogle women.
When I was a teenager, I believed myself to be straight. I’d get those crushes on boys who were way out of my league, and therefore, in retrospect, safe – meaning they’d never notice me anyway, so if I mooned over them, I wouldn’t have to follow through with the physical affection part.
So. Until I was in my twenties, my self definition was of a straight, but mistrustful asshole (given the rare disappointments I’ve caused) who was also incompetent at flirting. As I once told a colleague, I have never had bad experiences with men, however, I might be some guys‘ bad experience…
Obviously, she laughed back then, and didn’t realize that I was rather serious about this assessment of my behavior, which does, thanks to my feminine looks and my rather expressive dancing, occasionally border on “ice queen”.
In my late-ish twenties I stumbled over the term „asexuality“, and struggled with my self image for a couple of years, until I was ready to admit that I was even further from the majority than I thought. I now categorize myself as ace/aro.
So first the “straight” part of myself was irrevocably gone, then I learned about the varieties of attractions that exist. Along the way my unconscious decided that I was now free to enjoy aesthetic attraction, upon which I started to notice interesting looking persons, or people who moved in ways that I liked, regardless of gender.
Apart from this thought barrier that came crumbling down, I’ve also started to realize how I, as a woman, have learned to assess other women from other women. We silently crow in triumph at finding someone fatter than we are at a party, we criticize a conventionally pretty woman’s bad style to make ourselves feel less inferior, or judge someone’s looks as plain or unfortunate. All to make ourselves feel better.
I am still doing this despite the fact that I’m not vying for a husband, or even a romantic partner. Which just goes to show how ingrained that way of thinking is. Actually, I find it kind of creepy.
I’m quite grateful to now be able to look at others envy-less, at least some of the time.
Der Torheit Herberge 
You are the second aro ace I’ve heard mention aesthetic attraction to the way people move. The other person called it kinetic attraction. Interesting.
Can you pinpoint the time when you first started noticing aesthetic attraction, or did it happen so gradually you only noticed much later?
Hmm. Aesthetic attraction to me means „I wanna look some more“, or sometimes, „I wanna listen some more“, so this would include what the other person called kinetic attraction.
I’ve stared after the „acceptable“ persons, meaning boys/men, since I hit puberty, I suppose, though not necessarily after ones considered conventionally attractive. (I have this thing for mohawks and kilts.) Obviously, I didn’t have a name for the feeling then.
Meaning, actual aesthetic attraction that I know as such has only been happening to me since I know this kind of thing exists. And then one day I was ogling this goth lady on a dancefloor, noticed I was doing it and thought, well, you ain’t straight, and even if you were, you’d still be allowed to admire. So, not that much of a gradual onset.
Dass (Hetero-)Frauen andere Frauen abchecken und sich freuen, wenn die weniger gut aussehen als sie selbst, habe ich schon öfter gehört, aber selbst habe ich das nie gemacht. Neige aber generell wenig zu Neid und Missgunst.
Ich bin zwar biromantisch, kenne aber ästhetische Anziehung eigentlich nur auf Frauen bezogen. Mich stört das nicht, aber andere Leute finden es manchmal komisch (teilweise verstehen sie, dass ich homosexuell bin, wenn ich versuche, mein Empfinden zu beschreiben).
Und was finde ich anziehend…? Größtenteils Gesichter, Haare und Styling im Allgemeinen. Und schöne Stimmen können mich betören, ist das dann akustische Anziehung? 😉